Sandra Bullock angry over the expecting question
At the premiere for her latest film, Infamous, actress Sandra Bullock reportedly got angry with a reporter who asked her if she and her husband, TV Host Jesse James were expecting.
While jumping in the reporter’s face and pointing her finger, Sandra allegedly shouted, "Oh my god, that is just a disgusting question. And you know what? What if I couldn’t have kids? You know what? That’s the way you make women feel when you ask them that question."
Source: Open All Night
Do you feel it’s unfair to be asked by strangers or even friends and family members whether you are expecting?
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October 11th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
I was married for eight years and hated this question. It’s no one’s business. I don’t want children and if I stated that, then the Nosy Nellies berated me.
October 11th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
As a woman who can not have children, I am very grateful to Sandra for standing up to reporters who continue to insult celebrities with such a personal question. I have been living with the question for the last 3 or more years, it gets old faster then you think.
October 11th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
First of all I wouldn’t dare ask anyone if they were expecting bc I feel it’s their right and their place to come out and announce it when they are ready. I don’t know why reporters are so quick to constantly ask these questions! IT’s like they are trying to be the first to get the story! I feel as though Sandra may have overeacted a bit and who knows she’s a very joking kind of person so maybe she was messing around (remember the Billy Bush topic). But I do feel as though maybe she may be struggling with fertility problems and doesn’t need the constant questions about it. Some people are happy and content not having children, so why does everybody got to assume that just bc your married you automatically have a baby on board!
October 11th, 2006 at 7:58 pm
I’m glad she got mad. It’s SUCH an insensitive and intrusive question. I have a suspicion Sandy has problems (she mentioned she’d like kids) and it must be so annoying and even hurtful to hear people talk about a possible pregnancy.
October 11th, 2006 at 8:54 pm
As a woman who has had to deal with infertility the last few years I can understand Sandra’s outburst. You don’t know when you are grilling someone what their situation and they should not have to explain it. My husband and I both get asked constantly when we’re ever going to have children and it really hurts. Sometime I just want to snap at people and say “I can’t have kids back off”, but instead I have to be coridal. So Sandra is very justified. For all we know she is going through some personal and private issues.
October 11th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
I’ve always been taught that it’s extremely poor manners to ask a woman if she’s pregnant or trying to become pregnant.
Not only is it really poor taste, it can be very painful to someone if they’re struggling with infertility to be asked if they’re pregnant.
Sandy has never publicly mentioned wanting kids, so it’s also rude to assume that she wants children or is trying to have children. There are women who do not have a desire for children.
Plus, Sandy’s at that age (42?) where most women find it difficult to conceive without IVF or other ART, and even then they may not be successful. Marcia Cross is just 2 years older, and been open about using donor eggs with IVF due to her age. So it’s also kind of naive or stupid of reporters to just go around asking someone in their 40’s if they’re pregnant.
October 11th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
I found it very rude as well. Another question I think that is rude is “are you going to have another baby?” or “when?” and even “how many are you going to have?” Not only is secondary infertility an issue for many women, it’s just plain rude to ask someone what their reproductive plans are! And even Miss Manners said so in a recent issue of Child magazine! She said that if someone asks you that, you should just ignore them!
October 11th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
In my opinion, NO ONE should ever be asked this question nor should one ever be asked when their baby is due!
I once remarked to an acquaintance how lovely her baby bump was and she gave me this quizzical look and said she couldn’t believe I would say such a thing! I thought she was just feeling a bit embarrassed to be having a baby at her age (her late forties, early fifties perhaps).
It was a few weeks later that I found out from my sister that this lady had a large tumor in her kidney and would be requiring a transplant! Oh, I was mortified upon hearing this! I haven’t been able to face this lady since!
Thankfully, she has had a successful transplant and is doing well, but I on the other hand will carry the mortification with me to my grave! I have vowed to keep my big mouth shut forevermore until AFTER the baby has been born!!!!!!!!
October 11th, 2006 at 11:40 pm
I myself have dealt with infertility, and I never could believe how comfortable people feel asking someone such an intensely personal question. I’m glad that she got mad. Just because she is a famous celebrity and is in the public eye does not mean that every aspect of her life should be public. Doesn’t she and everyone else deserve a little bit of privacy that they can call their own?
October 12th, 2006 at 12:33 am
I’m going through IVF at the moment and it really is the most challenging time – physically, ethically and especially emotionally. My mother-in-law is constantly grilling me about getting grandkids, and after 10 days of self injecting or hearing news of a failed cycle, it is extremely difficult to stay civil. I don’t think Sandra Bullock has ever been a diva on the red carpet, so it’s safe to assume her reaction wasn’t an “overreaction” at all. When she’s going through IVF or trying to accept a life without motherhood or she’s sick of justifying why she doesn’t want to be a mother, I understand her frustration completely! Another celeb I wish they would leave alone is Nicole Kidman. Nic has had fertility issues in the past and is 39, so having the baby she desperately wants is not going to be easy for her. I suspect she is going through IVF at the moment because these drugs give you tremendous tummy bloat. The trashy mags keep printing pics of her belly and saying she’s pregnant – it must be so tough to keep hearing and seeing that. People should always remember that if a couple WANTED a child and was CAPABLE of having a child, they would have one! And right on Danielle – that goes for baby number two and beyond as well.
October 12th, 2006 at 3:06 am
hmmm…it’s tricky ‘cos a seemingly harmless comment can deeply offend some woman.
October 12th, 2006 at 3:56 am
I agree with everything that has been said in the previous posts… as someone who had to deal with this very question through 9 years of infertilitily treatment I must say there were times that I was not as cordial as daisylakes and I snapped that I couldn’t have kids. Not necessarily the best choice becasue then I got 20 questions about why I couldn’t – some people have no clue!
Even better has been since I gave birth to my miracle daughter all the people who told me that” see I told you so – it just took its time to happen” aahhh. Now like Danielle I’m getting the “when are you having another one?” like it is an expectation that I would want more children and that I can actually have them!
Plain and simple; people really need to be more sensitive and THINK before they open their mouths. The rant ends now…lol
October 12th, 2006 at 5:26 am
I agree with everyone else. It is a very rude question and it makes many women feel bad. It tells you that everyone is expecting you to have kids, but what if you don’t want to or what if you can’t? I also agree with Danielle on the secondary infertility issue. Asking “how many children would you want” is perhaps not that rude, but when it starts to sound like “so when can we expect a second kid” or “i expect you’ll be planning for a brother or sister for X soon” it is indeed plain insensitive and rude. A couple I know just found out that their two-year old son was their one-in-a-million chance at a baby and that they will not be able to have other children – the one they have is a miracle. And people just keep asking them, “when’s the next one coming?”
I am very glad Sandra got angry
October 12th, 2006 at 6:32 am
I hate it I have been married a year this month. I have been asked so many times it’s driving me insane. I have a wedding shower on saturday with family I am dreading going because I know they will ask non stop.
I plan on waiting atleast another two years I have made it clear. Why ask me again and again?
October 12th, 2006 at 8:12 am
Absolutely I think it is INCREDIBLY rude!! Like she said what if she had infertility problems!!! (or it can imply that the person LOOKS like they are pregnant and if they are in fact NOT pregnant it can make them feel like the person was calling them fat) Its just plain rude!
October 12th, 2006 at 10:49 am
I fully back Sandra Bullock up on this issue. It’s nobody’s business. I have been asked, on many occasions, if my second husband and I are going to have children (I have children from my first marriage.) I had a subarachnoid hemorrhage (in my brain) during my last pregnancy when I was giving birth. The doctors said that I was one of the very few people who survive that type of brain trauma and actually walk out of the hospital (after two and a half months in the hospital) and that I should never go through another pregnancy because it could cost me my life. I would LOVE a child with my husband, but he said he there is NO way he would be willing to take a chance with my life or health by attempting a pregnancy. I usually take the question in stride, but one day someone asked and it just hit me the wrong way and I started to cry and told them why I couldn’t have another child. It made the other person feel badly, but she should never have asked something so personal (and so sensitive) because I didn’t know her that well! Maybe Sandra had one of those “moments” when the question was just the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back”…I can totally relate to that!
October 12th, 2006 at 11:40 am
One thing I don’t understand is how in recent years the red carpet became such a classless place. When did it become the place to pry into personal lives? Isn’t it supposed to be used to promote the movie/event?
One thing I blame is the press’s fanaticism with pregnant celebrities. The recent boom in Hollywood makes it seem that journalists feel they have a justification in asking these women about private issues. It’s one thing to acknowlege that someone has admitted they are pregnant, or might be pregnant, but it’s just plain rude to try to force someone to answer by plaing them on the spot.
October 12th, 2006 at 11:55 am
good for Sandra!! I have been trying now for my first child with my 2nd husband for 8 years and suffered many miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. So, I totally understand about not wanting to be asked constantly about being pregnant!! It is incredibly rude to assume or ask if a woman is pregnant!
October 13th, 2006 at 10:57 am
I am a single Mum and pretty much straight after I gave birth I was asked when are you having the next. Even now my daughter is nearly 8 years old people still ask. I find it rude as I have to go through the whole drama of being a single mum since I was 10 weeks pregnant. Then it goes onto do you get child support? Why not go after the bastard? I fortunately do not have fertility problems that I know of. I do however use various excuses for not having more children:-
a) I need to find a husband first
b) My daughter is really high maintenance and expensive there is no way I could afford another one.
c) I suffered from pre-eclampsia and was told not to have any more chiildren (this one is kinda true)
d) i don’t have time to meet someone to have more kids
AND my all time favourite….
I’M ALREADY A SINGLE MOTHER WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE A DOUBLE OR TRIPLE MOTHER LOL!!!
I appeciate how hard it is to conveive though, a friend at work and his wife had years of trouble and did rounds of IVF and was told he couldn’t get her pregnant. My heart was breaking for them and I even offered to surrogate for them if it didn’t work out. They went to a chinese herbalist for help and their son is nearly 4 months old… But alot of people don’t know what they went through.
Another woman at work told me today her and her husband had been desperately trying for 3 years…I had no idea
Anyway I think Sandra was right – it is no-one business unless you feel comfortable with the person asking you and they know your life story and the problems you have been through.
June 18th, 2009 at 3:57 am
Unfortunately, for those people who make their living in the public eye, who sell their personal information and images to the public for consumption, they leave themselves wide-open to exactly this kind of scruitiny. Angry as she may be about these questions, she could have handled the situation better.
For non-celebrities, people ask out of curiosity because many people still see children as a natural extension of a loving couple. I don’t think they mean any harm by it and I don’t think many people are even aware of how common a problem infertility is. Moreover, when friends and collegues find out that you have fertility problem they often want to help (although they obviously can’t) and often experience a kind of grief – especially if they really care about you. You have to make it clear to them that while you appreciate their concern, you prefer to keep the subject private.
For couples that choose not to have kids. If a stranger tells you are being selfish just remember that there are tons of unthinking, unfeeling people out there who will give you all kinds of advice and admonitions about all kinds of things – not just about choosing to be childless. It’s just people being people. I’ve had strangers chide me about me about all kinds of things – I just tune it out and keep confident that what I do is right for me.
I have kids and I have friends who have kids, friends who are childless by infertility and friends childless by choice.