For non-celebrities, people ask out of curiosity because many people still see children as a natural extension of a loving couple. I don’t think they mean any harm by it and I don’t think many people are even aware of how common a problem infertility is. Moreover, when friends and collegues find out that you have fertility problem they often want to help (although they obviously can’t) and often experience a kind of grief – especially if they really care about you. You have to make it clear to them that while you appreciate their concern, you prefer to keep the subject private.

For couples that choose not to have kids. If a stranger tells you are being selfish just remember that there are tons of unthinking, unfeeling people out there who will give you all kinds of advice and admonitions about all kinds of things – not just about choosing to be childless. It’s just people being people. I’ve had strangers chide me about me about all kinds of things – I just tune it out and keep confident that what I do is right for me.

I have kids and I have friends who have kids, friends who are childless by infertility and friends childless by choice.

I am a single Mum and pretty much straight after I gave birth I was asked when are you having the next. Even now my daughter is nearly 8 years old people still ask. I find it rude as I have to go through the whole drama of being a single mum since I was 10 weeks pregnant. Then it goes onto do you get child support? Why not go after the bastard? I fortunately do not have fertility problems that I know of. I do however use various excuses for not having more children:-
a) I need to find a husband first
b) My daughter is really high maintenance and expensive there is no way I could afford another one.
c) I suffered from pre-eclampsia and was told not to have any more chiildren (this one is kinda true)
d) i don’t have time to meet someone to have more kids

AND my all time favourite….

I’M ALREADY A SINGLE MOTHER WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE A DOUBLE OR TRIPLE MOTHER LOL!!!

I appeciate how hard it is to conveive though, a friend at work and his wife had years of trouble and did rounds of IVF and was told he couldn’t get her pregnant. My heart was breaking for them and I even offered to surrogate for them if it didn’t work out. They went to a chinese herbalist for help and their son is nearly 4 months old… But alot of people don’t know what they went through.
Another woman at work told me today her and her husband had been desperately trying for 3 years…I had no idea

Anyway I think Sandra was right – it is no-one business unless you feel comfortable with the person asking you and they know your life story and the problems you have been through.

good for Sandra!! I have been trying now for my first child with my 2nd husband for 8 years and suffered many miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. So, I totally understand about not wanting to be asked constantly about being pregnant!! It is incredibly rude to assume or ask if a woman is pregnant!

One thing I don’t understand is how in recent years the red carpet became such a classless place. When did it become the place to pry into personal lives? Isn’t it supposed to be used to promote the movie/event?

One thing I blame is the press’s fanaticism with pregnant celebrities. The recent boom in Hollywood makes it seem that journalists feel they have a justification in asking these women about private issues. It’s one thing to acknowlege that someone has admitted they are pregnant, or might be pregnant, but it’s just plain rude to try to force someone to answer by plaing them on the spot.

I fully back Sandra Bullock up on this issue. It’s nobody’s business. I have been asked, on many occasions, if my second husband and I are going to have children (I have children from my first marriage.) I had a subarachnoid hemorrhage (in my brain) during my last pregnancy when I was giving birth. The doctors said that I was one of the very few people who survive that type of brain trauma and actually walk out of the hospital (after two and a half months in the hospital) and that I should never go through another pregnancy because it could cost me my life. I would LOVE a child with my husband, but he said he there is NO way he would be willing to take a chance with my life or health by attempting a pregnancy. I usually take the question in stride, but one day someone asked and it just hit me the wrong way and I started to cry and told them why I couldn’t have another child. It made the other person feel badly, but she should never have asked something so personal (and so sensitive) because I didn’t know her that well! Maybe Sandra had one of those “moments” when the question was just the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back”…I can totally relate to that!

Absolutely I think it is INCREDIBLY rude!! Like she said what if she had infertility problems!!! (or it can imply that the person LOOKS like they are pregnant and if they are in fact NOT pregnant it can make them feel like the person was calling them fat) Its just plain rude!

I hate it I have been married a year this month. I have been asked so many times it’s driving me insane. I have a wedding shower on saturday with family I am dreading going because I know they will ask non stop.

I plan on waiting atleast another two years I have made it clear. Why ask me again and again?

I agree with everyone else. It is a very rude question and it makes many women feel bad. It tells you that everyone is expecting you to have kids, but what if you don’t want to or what if you can’t? I also agree with Danielle on the secondary infertility issue. Asking “how many children would you want” is perhaps not that rude, but when it starts to sound like “so when can we expect a second kid” or “i expect you’ll be planning for a brother or sister for X soon” it is indeed plain insensitive and rude. A couple I know just found out that their two-year old son was their one-in-a-million chance at a baby and that they will not be able to have other children – the one they have is a miracle. And people just keep asking them, “when’s the next one coming?”
I am very glad Sandra got angry

I agree with everything that has been said in the previous posts… as someone who had to deal with this very question through 9 years of infertilitily treatment I must say there were times that I was not as cordial as daisylakes and I snapped that I couldn’t have kids. Not necessarily the best choice becasue then I got 20 questions about why I couldn’t – some people have no clue!

Even better has been since I gave birth to my miracle daughter all the people who told me that” see I told you so – it just took its time to happen” aahhh. Now like Danielle I’m getting the “when are you having another one?” like it is an expectation that I would want more children and that I can actually have them!

Plain and simple; people really need to be more sensitive and THINK before they open their mouths. The rant ends now…lol

hmmm…it’s tricky ‘cos a seemingly harmless comment can deeply offend some woman.