Ask the Expert: Angelina Jolie adopts a Vietnamese son
Angelina Jolie has just adopted a son, Pax Thien Jolie, from Vietnam. What will life be like for the newly enlarged Jolie-Pitts clan? We spoke to Carrie Craft, About.com’s Adoption/Foster Care Guide, about the challenges and joys Angelina, Brad, Pax, and the rest of the family face may face with the new addition to their family and why some people are complaining.
Pax is 3 1/2 years old. What are the benefits and difficulties in adopting a child this age- one who is no longer a newborn, infant or toddler but not of schoolage? I can imagine the language barrier could be significant as the child is older.
Benefits: I think being done with “baby stuff” is a benefit, but that may not be true for other parents.
Challenges: I keep thinking of attachment issues as this is a problem with a lot of adoptions. Babies rely on us for everything so attachment through holding and feeding can come more naturally. Angelina and Brad will have to do a lot of work to attach to this child and help him work through his fears and the language barrier (The orphanage could have taught him some English which may be a possibility.).
Pax was called by another name at the orphanage- Pham Quang Sang- but Angelina has changed his name. Can a name change be an issue for older children?
A name change may cause problems down the road for him inregards to attachment and identity issues as a teen. The report said that she was very emotional trying to calm him as he wascrying. She is a stranger to him. This MAY be a different adoptionexperience for Angelina.
How common it is for Americans to adopt from Vietnam?
Vietnam just opened back up to the US for adoption in September 2005. So in 2005 only 6 kids were adopted from Vietnam. 2006 found 163 Vietnamese children finding homes in the US. Vietnam fell into spot number 14 in the top 20 countries for international adoption in 2006. There are more toddler boys available than toddler girls, so this isn’t a surprise [that they adopted a boy]. (For more on international adoption statistics, visit about.com.)
As to be expected with foreign celebrity adoptions lately, there is controversy over Angelina’s adoption of Pax. Can you tell us why people are up in arms?
This is the issue: Vietnam does allow for single women to adopt, single men on a case by case basis, and married couples. So, is Angelina being honest here? She really is not single. She does not live as a single person, yet this doesn’t seem to be an issue for her adoption. Would it be for an every day couple?
Here is another reason why some adoptive parents are making a stink. The child is chosen by adoption authorities in Vietnam, not by the prospective adoptive parents. A child referral is sent to the prospective adoptive parents for their review. The referral may include pictures, medical and social history, and perhaps a video tape of the child. The prospective adoptive parents then must accept or reject the referral.You don’t go and select your own child.
What is the consensus among families adopting that youmay be in touch with- do they feel that adoptions are unfairly sped upfor celebrities? Do they resent celebrities?
I’ve received one comment on this story and she was not happy as itseems that celebrities can solve all problems with money. That’s howit appears on the surface. That’s why I ask – if an everyday [unmarried] couplelived together and attempted to adopt from Vietnam, would they beallowed?
Have you adopted a child from Vietnam? Or an older child (from anywhere)? What was adjustment like?
- Posted on Mar 15, 07 at 12:26PM
- Permalink
- 27 Comments
March 15th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I think it’s too early to make assumptions like this. Us Weekly’s site has a nice article with comments from the orphanage’s director:
http://usmagazine.com/angelinas_adoption_what_you_havent_heard
“I was a bit worried in the morning,” Trung admitted to Us. “When Sang saw Jolie and two of her big bodyguards, he moved back and cried. Jolie kneeled down and gradually went closer to him. It took about 20 minutes for her to reach him.”
He added that “after Jolie made acquaintance with him, he cheered up and trusted her right away.”
Maddox also attempted to soothe the child by holding his hand. Trung says that while Sang was crying as he was carried into the car, having Maddox on hand was a relief.
“It’s lucky to have the presence of her other son [Maddox] who was very friendly to Sang,” Trung tells Us.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
Ok here’s my opinion:
Since it seems to be such an issue and a fuss about adopting, how about it just be stopped. Just let the kids stay put in the orphanges till adulthood anywhere in the world they are, and maybe then people will cease to be critical about who gets them. Lets jsut put out of our heads the possibilities of a better life that come with being adopted. I’m so damn tired of these experts, Americans fussing, and mostly I’m fed up with people who will stoop to even using a child to take shots at Angelina, Madonna, Meg Ryan and any others just because they have money and are celebs.
Pax is a beautiful young man, and I’m confident in time, and with the loveing care and attention Angie & Brad show their kids, the lad will be just fine.
Sorry for the rant, but it burns my bum all the negative talk I’m seeing on the tube, and reading online about overseas adoptions.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I think it is great that she adopts a older child. Everyone wants babies and these older children need to be adopted too. Why should a child be deprived of a chance at love and a home just because they are not the ideal age. I say kuddos to her and that child will adjust just fine. I was older then him and I adjusted to a name change and went from spanish to english. Kids are more reselient then we think. I know another couple who adopted a little girl at a older age and after a year learned english. She was vetiamese too. I know she will be able to do this it is emotional adopting a child its the same feeling as giving birth just the child is their already. I am sure she could be emotional in the regard that she is happy too. Not everything should be negative. I am sure this is a happy occasion for her family and what a great family for him to get too.
March 15th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I wonder if Vietnamese adoption guidelines PROHIBIT unmarried couples from adopting or if there simply isn’t a category for that type of adoption, i.e., you either adopt as a single person or a married couple according to the paperwork. I can’t remember if it has been clarified whether it simply isn’t an option or whether it’s actually spelled out as being forbidden. To me, that makes a difference.
Nonetheless–and even if Angelina’s celebrity cleared some obstacles non-celebs would face–I think Pax’s adoption is wonderful news for him and his new family. One less child living as an orphan is good news.
March 15th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
I have 2 adopted children and will be adopting another in the fall, I adopted 2 girls sisters ages 5 and 2, they are now 7 and 4 and thriving, it took a little while for my 5 year old to start calling me mommy, I would say about 4 months, the 2 year old stated almost right away, there was an adjustment period, all children want to be hugged and loved, for the 5 year old she came remembering her prior life, she comments on her life before and her life now, before I got her she had never had pajamas, something most people take for granted, she was sooo excited to have her 1st nightgown, she just kept looking in the mirror and smiling, she used to ask me why I bought things for her, it was very moving to see such a young child truly appriciate what she has, she has made comments like I know you love me because you hug and kiss me so much, and because you let me have pretty clothes and nice things, in the past 2 years we have developed a very close bond, she tells me daily how much she loves me and how lucky she feels! To tell you honestly I feel like the lucky one! The two year old was this very shy and quiet little toddler, she doesn’t remember much of her past and the bond happened much quicker, she was still very young and dependent, just learning to talk and not yet potty trained, she is now this vibrant, bright, outgoing little girl.
The next adoption will be a young baby. I admire what Angelina is doing, she can provide these beautiful children with a life they otherwise wouldn’t know, to see a child develop from being scared and shy, into a normal active child is just amazing! It truly moves you! The language barrior will be an issue for a little while, although children learn very quickly how to communicate their needs, and having Madox and the other children to play with, this little boy will be speaking english in no time, and Angelina keeps the kids informed on where they came from and takes them back to visit! What could be more wonderful? I wish them the best of luck and hope Angelina and Brad contine to work on making the world a better place!
March 15th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I adopted 2 children from northern Vietnam in 2002 not by choice. The little boy, 15 months at the time, had a bigger sister. Since I didn’t want to break them up, my husband and I agreed to take them both.
Luckily my husband and I are native Vietnamese, so my daughter (who was 10 years old) did not have much of a language barrier–as Ms. Angelia Jolie will be having.
But we still did run into culture, language, food difference once we got back to the States.
Then we came to discover that my daughter is actually older than on paper! The next 3 years was such an adjustment on the immediated and extended families. Luckily I have supportive sibblings and girlfriends. Without them–I honestly do not know if I would still have my head on my shoulder.
We had to home school our daughter every waking chances–in order for her to catch up to the appropriate school grade.
Now – five years forward, I am very blessed with 2 wonderful, happy children, who is doing very well socially and in school.
March 15th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
this is the 3rd time that jolie adopted a child so she already has files about her adoption. it may seems quick to others but is it her fault that her adoption process is being expedited sooner? we all know that every moves she makes are chronicled by the press and it will be very hard for the little boy to remain anonymous until his adoption is finalized. every one will want a piece of him and all the paps will go and hunt him down in the orphanage to get pictures or news about him. as for being single and can adopt, yeah, everyone knows that she lives with Brad, but is that stated in the adoption requirement that she can’t adopt coz she is living with someone? she is lawfully single and that is one of the legal requirement by the vietnamese govt. why is it that every one is nitpicking on jolie for trying to build her own family. if you really want to adopt, do it on your own way and not compare your circumstances to others….
March 15th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
We adopted a 6 yr old daughter from Russia and the process took roughly 6 months. At first, our child had some issues of defiance and distrust of authority, but both issues were resolved in time. Bonding was never a problem. We were a family right from the start. Within one week of coming to the US, our daughter entered kindergarten and, in less than 6 months, learned the language without a trace of an accent. She is now, and has always been a loving child, with a kind heart. As well, she is a wonderful athlete and a gifted student.
Our fondest hope is that families that wish to adopt, consider the older children that are often left behind. There are more than 700,000 children in orphanages in Russia alone (from infant to age 15) whose lives would be completely transformed with both a loving home and a family to call their own.
As for celebrity adoptions, it is wonderful to see the visibility these celebrities are giving to the concept of adoption. But, more importantly, the media should focus on how well these children adapt and become loving and productive members of society over time.
Ideally, there should be media coverage of average American adoption success stories to encourage other families to overcome their fears of the unknown.
There are millions of children throughout the U.S. and abroad who may never have a chance to reach their potential without the structure of a family environment and a loving home.
March 15th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
My sons name is Paxton (3months). Pax for short! And everyone gave us a hard time! LOL
March 15th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Personally I think it’s a little too soon for Angie to think about an adoption when Shiloh is still not a year old. Granted they have the resources financially to hire as many nannies as it takes, but she should be more concerned about bonding with the children she already has! It’s hard enough when people have children back to back (Britney’s a great example), but to perform a difficult adopotion, in the midst of these circumstances seems a bit much. Also, I would like to know from the experts how difficult it is to blend an adopted child in out of birthing order. Right now Maddox is the oldest, then Zahara, but now Pax will be taking her place as #2 – how will that affect her as well as the other siblings? Lastly, I don’t think it’s wise to change an almost 4 year old’s name at this point. I wonder why she wouldn’t consider leaving his name the same?? Hopefully they will still call him Pham at least until he reaches school age. Best of luck to them – they will need it!
March 15th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I think she’s doing a great thing by adopting, particularly an older child. I wish people stopped looking for something to blame her for. It’s obvious that the Vietnamese authorities expedited the process because of celebrity status but is Angelina to blame for that? Was she supposed to refuse the child now and delay even further the bonding process? As to her single status, again, was anyone denied a child because they were in a relationship rather than technically single? It’s easy to pick apart every adoption but it’s not easy to give a child a home and raise it properly. Angelina seems to be doing a good job of it.
March 15th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Well, in Asia and many other counries it is a different story with marriage. In those countryes you are married if you have legal marriage paper. If you live together, even for many years, you still a single. That is why Angelina applied a single. She could’t apply as married, in their eyes she is single.
March 15th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
I understand people saying adopting would be too soon for them personally but to say adopting is too soon for a family we know NOTHING about except through the media is downright crazy to me. Then to go on and assume a mother hasn’t bonded with her other 3 children just blows my mind. How does one even feel comfortable writing that on a message board? I want to make it clear I do not pretend to know this family. I just can’t for the life of me understand how some can be so critical of people we know nothing about no matter how many times we see them on the covers of tabloids. I wish them only the best.
March 15th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
I think that Angelina has done another admirable thing by adopting Pax. I was pleased that she wasn’t trying to choose a ‘different colour’ for every member of her family, and that she realises the importance of having similar cultures in a family. The fact that ethipian adoptions skyrocketed since she adopted zahara is a wonderful thing – I hope older children are now more considered.
I watched a documentary about children adopted from vietnam. One girl was 8 when she moved to Australia and at first I thought ‘man, that would be so hard and traumatic’, but like Stephanie above said, she remembered her old life – she knew her new family loved her and that she was one of the lucky ones. When she hit her 20’s, she met her birth family and they had wanted her to financially support them. Perhaps thats the reason they adopted her out? She knew that her adopted family was the one THERE for her when she went through adolescence, when they had family holidays and grew together….she felt almost nothing for her birth family. That different angle of adoption changed my views about adopting older children for sure.
In an ideal world, these kids would stay in their own countries. But this is not an ideal world. I agree that we should be thrilled that another orphan has found a new home with a family who are literally changing the world through awareness of refugees, UN, animal conservation and wartorn third world countries.
I too hope to adopt a sibling group as soon as I finish university. I know there are adjustment issues – but good things aren’t always meant to be easy. My partner and I won’t be married until after uni, which will probably make the adoption process take longer as some countries you need to be married for a certain amount of time…therefore I understand why just Angelina has adopted Pax.
As for his new name, he will always know the name his birth mother gave him. But his new mother will give him so much more than life, it seems fitting to have a new monika.
GO TEAM JOLIE!
March 15th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
I think it can be unfair that celebs get to adopt so much easier than ordinary people, like you and me, who may not have as much money or resources, but have lots of love to give. But whatever, if Angelia and the adoption people are happy, then it doesn’t matter, as long as Pax is also happy with his new family.
March 15th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Joann: What a wonderful post. My thoughts exactly. It blows my mind to see people on here making such huge assumptions about people that none of us actually know – not to mention trying to decide for other people how far apart their children should be spaced. Kudos for such a well-written post.
March 15th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
My sister in law adopted a baby from China and it only took her from the first letter to taking her home 9 months. Everyone thinks that this was to fast and that they moved it along faster because she is a celeb but Shiloh is 10 months old and they said they started the process right after Shiloh was born. So really they did it in the same amount of time as everyone else. I just don’t like how the adoption “expert” is putting Angelina down for changing his name, that she is a celeb, and is in a relationship and not single like she stated in the adoption papers. What matters is that a little boy who has only lived in an orphanage since he was an infant is now in a good happy home with a VERY loving mother and father. THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!
March 15th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
I believe fully that all those assmumed barriers will be either non existent for the family, or if some do exist, they will be dealt with and they will move on.
Shiloh bonded with her mother and father the moment she was born, and it’s rather presumptious to think otherwise if you ask me. People read way to much into the “Blob” descript, and also AJ’s words about making sure to not overlook Shiloh’s needs.
There has been nothing to suggest that Shiloh doesnt get as much from her parents as the others. My abuela’s each said many times that it’s as easy to love many as it is to love one and I think Brad & Angelina prove that well.
As for comparing Britney and Angelina Jolie?! Apples and crab apples! Please don’t dare suggest that there’s anything to compare there so I’ll be moving on lol.
All this birth order nonsense is just that, nonesense. If a child had come older than Maddox, then maybe yes, but that is not the case. Pax is 3 1/4, Zahara is a toddler of two, sorry, but I dont think we have much of an issue except in some scientists mind.
The name change? I doubt that they are immediatly demanding he respond to his new moniker. A wife takes the name of her husband does she not? Is it not a new identity for a new life? She goes from Miss A to Mrs Z right? Again, I see no problem with the name change. I don’t think they need anything but what they’ve already shown, and that’s committment to their family.
March 15th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Are they not giving him the last name Jolie-Pitt, like the other children?
March 16th, 2007 at 12:24 am
Nicole: At this point Brad has not yet adopted Pax because Vietnames law does not allow unmarried couples to adopt. So Angelina has adopted on her own. She did the same thing with Zahara and then Brad adopted her later. So at this point she isn’t legally a Pitt. I’m sure his name will become Jolie-Pitt as soon as Brad adopts him.
March 16th, 2007 at 6:27 am
It’s time for the all the people who dislike Angelina Jolie to get over it!!!! The fact that this child was ABANDONED and now “someone” gay, black, white or pink wants him DOES NOT matter. It’s a chance for him to have a decent life so why not allow him to be. He will adjust and adapt to his new life anything will be better than an orphanage. And to the people who say it’s too soon for them to adopt, who are you to decide for this family how they should live their lives. It’s also very clear that some of you will never like Angelina but thank goodness she continues to do good regardless. Steve Spielberg has a lot of children and a blended family; no one makes a big deal about him.
March 16th, 2007 at 10:35 am
I like his name Pax! My son is 3months and his name is Paxton nickname PAX! Hey mine came first haha! What do you gusy think of the name. I got alot of Oh um cute with a weird face when I was preg.
March 16th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
His birth name was Pham Quang Sang. They called him SANG in Vietnam. His family name was PHAM.
In Vietnam, the family name come first and the first name is last.
I agreed with Jolie to change the boy name. But give the boy name such as Peter, John ,Robert , James… so the boy won’t be TEASED when he grows up and go to school. Pax is not the common name. People will confuse.
Anyway, God bless Angelina and Mia Farrow too. Both of you have a lot of love for children. How many celebrities have the heart like Angelina or Mia? So don’t judge Angelina now. The boy will speak English with American accent soon. No doubt about it.
March 16th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
there have been no reports that brad’s legal adoption of maddox and zahara has gone through. that will probably take a long time. they were granted the name change on account of the fact that he intends to adopt them.
March 16th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
“It’s time for the all the people who dislike Angelina Jolie to get over it!!!!”
No, Vera. Actually, it’s time for all the people who adore Angelina Jolie and expect everyone else to as well to get over it.
March 17th, 2007 at 12:01 am
Ashleigh, Pax is a cute name.
As for Angelina adopting again – it isn’t for us to decide what’s right for her and her family.
I amdire the way she has created her family – and for years, I’ve dreamt of adopting children along with having biological children. There are so many children out there who need good, loving homes but I want to carry and give birth to a baby someday.
If my dream comes true, I’ll just look like I’m copying celebrity! Oh, well.
And if Angelina and Brad want a large family and want the kids close in age, doesn’t it seem logical that they would want to have kids close in age (including adopting close together)?
March 17th, 2007 at 11:45 am
To the so-called adoption expert (i’m wondering if its just jelously, because their agaency wasn’t used)…. this was released by the agency AJ used.
This person doesn’t have any agency, she works for About.com, as the post states.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“In applying to adopt 3-yr-old Pax Thien, Ms. Jolie followed the same course as all prospective adoptive parents who apply to our Vietnam program. Throughout her adoption process, which began in the summer of 2006, she has received no preferential treatment from the Vietnamese government or Adoptions From The Heart, and contrary to earlier reports, her application was not fast tracked.
Despite rumors that she chose her child, Ms. Jolie received a referral, just like any other parent adopting from Vietnam. In late 2006, she was referred a child who had been legally determined to be available for adoption and who fit within the parameters for which she had been approved to adopt. She accepted the first and only referral given to her.
In addition, we can confirm the statement given by Nguyen Van Trung, Director of Tam Binh Orphanage, that Ms. Jolie has neither made, nor promised to make, any financial contributions to his orphanage. Adoptions From The Heart celebrates the miracle of adoption with the Jolie-Pitt family, as we do with all of our clients, and wish them much joy.”
– Heidi Gonzalez, Vietnam Adoption Coordinator for Adoptions From The Heart