I’ve come to expect some mothers on this site to comment in a judgemental, self-righteous manner. I don’t know why you are so unhappy in your lives that you are constantly looking to deride others. Maybe you’re the ones that need to get away.

She did what is best for her and her family. You have no idea what her life is. Nobody would say such harsh things about a father leaving his son for 7 days. My dad was away for months at a time serving our country and we have a great relationship.

Try to show some compassion and understanding towards others. It’s what you would be teaching your children, if you weren’t so busy patting yourselves on the back for being mothers of the year.

There are so many high-quality studies out there that thoroughly address:
* the importance of the mother-baby dyad on infant health and development
* the critical (both public health and individual health) impacts of breastfeeding both in the short and long term for the health of both mom and baby
* the importance of a consistent and loving and responsive caregiver during the first few years of a child’s life

Those ideas aren’t new, they’re not merely my opinion, and honestly, I’ve done my research and don’t feel terribly compelled to do your homework for you (I’ve fallen into that trap before! I’m not into arguing with links – if you’re truly interested in some of this stuff, you’ll do your own research like I have). Not trying to sound harsh, just tired of people saying, “Oh yeah? Prove it!” when really all they want to do is argue & they’re not really interested in what the research says.

As far as trying to pass off something as “being true for all babies/families” — that’s your misinterpretation, Kate2. I do think that for the average human baby, it’s critical that he/she get human breastmilk, and that lots of the obesity, diabetes, and cancers we’re seeing among children and women are related to the very poor rates of breastfeeding in our country (at 6 months, a mere 10% of babies are still breastfed – that’s just so low it’s scary).

Does a baby’s biological blueprint of expecting breastfeeding/breastmilk mean that every baby and family must do it just that way or be overcome with guilt? NO. It means we need to recognize that biologically, babies expect certain behaviors from their parents to be raised most optimally AND when we don’t do it just the way biology intended, even though our species can survive with these changes, there may be repercussions of this down the road. I think we just need to be honest with ourselves about why we are making the choices we do, and accept responsibility for the outcomes of those choices. For example, if you don’t breastfeed your baby, only you know deep down inside whether that was a the result of a truly medical situation, a decision that you later found out was based on misinformation, or a personal choice that benefitted you more than it did your baby. Or maybe, that choice to not breastfeed benefitted you so much that your baby, even though they missed out on the biological qualities of breastmilk, had a strong secondary benefit of a mom who wasn’t stressed out by doing something she resented. See, it’s never so black and white… parenting is almost always varying shades of gray!

It might surprise you to know that I worked 50+ hours a week in corporate America after my first baby was born (pumped at work multiple times a day, breastfed during lunch break because my mother who was caring for her while I was at work would generously bring her to me at the office). It was what I thought was the best compromise at the time. Do I regret the time away from my baby, even though she was in incredibly loving and capable arms of her grandmother? Sure – I missed it, I’ll never get those early days back. And no, my daughter doesn’t show any detrimental effects from our daily separations (though that doesn’t mean there weren’t/aren’t any). And I know I am beyond lucky to have had my wonderful mom to care for my child while I worked. I accept responsibility for the separation from my child from months 3-9, and for whatever results came from that! But I don’t pretend that it was optimal *for my daughter* to be separated from me every day for 10+ hours a day starting at the age of 3 months old. And that’s why eventually, by the time she was 10 months old, my husband and I made some serious changes in our lives so that one of us could be home with our daughter (and future children) full time during their early years. We’re not perfect, not even close – but we absolutely take responsibility for our choices, even the negative aspects.

Far, far too few parents in our culture are willing to take responsibility for their choices – instead, there’s just a bunch of defensiveness and namecalling (helicopter parent, breastfeeding loonie, martyr mom, condescending) when someone else expresses a different opinion.

I absolutely agree that Olympic medals require extremely high levels of work, talent, and dedication. While it is inspiring for me to see people (women & men) push themselves/their natural talent to accomplish impressive physical feats, I also feel immensely inspired by parents who make the hard decisions to put some major life goals on the back burner for a few years specifically because they *do* recognize the critical importance of being present (physically, emotionally) during infancy and early childhood (birth to 3 yrs).

“[The Olympics] They’re an immeasurably valuable tangible goal that take an unbelievable amount of courage, dedication, strength, sacrifice, work, and skill to attain.”

I’d argue that good parenting fits this exact description as well. My own personal priorities will never reflect that an Olympic medal is more important or a more valuable contribution than is being present for my children and working always towards being a mindful, conscientious, responsive parent (which *is* hard work given that I’m so far from perfect it’s not even funny!!!). I’m pretty sure we’re allowed to simply and respectfully agree to disagree on our own personal priorities.

For the record, I believe that an Olympic medal AND good parenting are *NOT mutually exclusive* — in other words, you don’t have to sacrifice one at the expense of the other. It might just take a lot of creativity and careful planning to find strategies that work well for both the baby and the Olympic athlete. And I am NOT commenting on Jana in specific here – in fact, I think given Jana & her husbands priorities (which I very much respect them for being honest/unapologetic about them!), they *are* making sure that their son is in the best, most caring hands possible… the grandmothers’! It is obvious that their son is *well* loved and cared for, is getting wonderfully responsive parenting from the grandparents during the frequent absences of the parents while pursuing her Olympic dreams.

Say, did any of the people that attacked Jana for “abandoning” her newborn baby to train for the 2008 Summer Olympics ever stop to think exactly what it is Jana is doing. She is going to work, which is training for the Olympics, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don’t a lot of women go to work for 8 hours a day 5 days a week? What do they do with their children during those hours they are at work? Think about that before you all crucify Jana for just doing her job, which is being an Olympic athlete.

You know what, if Jana was Jack, those same people likely wouldn’t be all over him for having someone take care of his child so he could go and train for the Olympics. For heavens sake, this is the child’s grandmother that will be looking after him. Jana has likely thought long and hard about this situation, and has decided with the support of her family this is the best way to prepare for the Olympics.

“Why SHOULDN’T we as a society say, “You know what? Your kid would be better served by you if you did _______, and here’s why: _____________.” Our ancestors all did this. When did everyone looking out for the best interest of children become “being judgemental?”

I wonder beccalovesbabies how you would feel if someone walked up to you and told you to do something with your children that you don’t feel is right for them. It’s easy to justify judging others, but when others are judging you and your parenting it’s not so easy to justify someone butting into someone else’s life and telling them how to raise their child.

lizzielui,

At what point do we draw the line in “Who are we, as outsiders, to decide what is best for someone else’s child?”

Say we stop picking on moms who don’t breastfeed and who pay others to raise their kids for them 50 hours a week. (40 hours, plus lunch, plus commute.)

What if we then start saying that mothers who feed their kids only twinkies, cheese puffs and soda should be able to do that without judgement? What about those mothers who decide that four hours of television in the evening really IS a great babysitting solution.

Why SHOULDN’T we as a society say, “You know what? Your kid would be better served by you if you did _______, and here’s why: _____________.” Our ancestors all did this. When did everyone looking out for the best interest of children become “being judgemental?”

I think we’ve become so individualistic (I may’ve made up that word, but it worked) and self serving that we can’t stand for someone to tell us we’re doing something wrong.

I also want to address another post, even though I don’t know that it was directed at me. Someone made the point that we need to maintain our marriages. Absolutely! Having a solid marriage IS a gift for your children.

That’s why I don’t believe it works as well to work full time, and then rush around all evening trying to spend a little time with your baby, and then having nothing left at the end for hubby! Guilt over being away from your baby for more waking hours than not doesn’t leave room for romance with your man! I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it, and I won’t do it.

It’s hard enough being a mom and wondering how every decision you make is going to affect your child and their future. In a perfect world we would all sit at home and nurse and educate our babies until they were ready to fly off on their own and do great things for this world, unfortunately this world is not that way. That baby MAY have been weaned early, MAY not be happy without his momma for 7 days, and MAY be alright, but when he gives her euelogy – I seriously doubt that he will say she left me for 7 days when I was an infant to pursue an olympic gold medal (assuming he has any relationship with her after being abandoned). He will be proud that he is one of a few children who has a mother that can achieve such a thing (my children have to grow up with an average mom). We, as women and mothers, need to support and encourage each other as much as possible and quit passing judgement on each other. No one mothers way is more “right” than another. If you are not an idiot and make sound decisions based on current circumstances and information – that is all we can do to ensure our children’s future. Now go out an nurse your babies or get back to work – whatever your circumstances make you do!

How on Earth did this turn into a breastfeeding debate all of a sudden? Never ceases to amaze me.

Beccalovesbabies,

I believe with CONVICTION that we need to respect the way other mother choose to raise their children. Who are we, as outsiders, to decide what is best for someone else’s child. It’s seven days people. Seven days with grandma.

Do y’all realize that competing is the woman’s livelihood? Sitting at home and watching the baby does not pay the bills. She did what she had to do, recognizing that (a) she will have lots of time to raise the kid after her competitive days are over and (b) she is looking after his future. It never cease to amaze me how judgmental this people on this blog could be, when there are parenting styles different to theirs. Geesh, if this makes her a bad mom, then she has lots of company because some people cannot stay at home and must handle their jobs. Plus, the kid is with his grandparents!! What’s the fuss? SMDH

“Those of you who state the your children MUST come first might want to remember that children grow up and at some point leave your home. You might end up having no relationship with your spouse if you focus all your energy on your children”

Good point. The people who state that children MUST come first might also remember that it’s possible for a person to have more than one important thing going in their life at once. A person can have their children as the main priority in their life, and still have other priorities and interests as well. Mothers can be mothers and still be women, wives, friends, sisters, workers, etc.