I didn’t used to mind this question …….
Last year a neighbor moved in and the first time I met her we were outside walking our dogs and we got to talking when my daughter (she was 6 1/2) walked up and she (my neighbor-Barbie) stated that she had two boys and wanted a little girl. So I asked her so when r u going to try for ur little girl? She said “I can’t have anymore kids I had to have a emergency hysterectomy after my second son” I felt sooooo bad! Then in return she asked me Is she ur only one and when I replied yes she then asked me when r u going to have more kids. I explained to her that I seemed to be having some fertility issues because I had been trying for 4 1/2 years to get pregnant without any luck but hopefully one day real soon! Then she felt bad, so we just stood there feeling bad for one another so I agree with Jools………..
Today she’s my best friend and we talk about everything but now I’m more careful about who and when and IF I ask someone if their going to have more kids ….. oh and BTW no luck yet ….. I have been trying for almost 6 years and no luck ….. but I do have a healthy daughter who’s almost 8. Also Bobbi if u wanna come to Georgia and be a surrogate for us come on LOL ……
I now tell ppl when they ask (and they do all the time) when god sees fit to give me another one……. and they ALWAYS get real quiet after that.

The only time that it ever bothers me is when my mother-in-law asks. She asks every time I see her. I give the same response every time, about wanting to wait. But I HATE being asked by her.

I would never dream of asking anyone this question. I have seen my sister deal with years of infertility issues. She finally has a beautiful baby girl, and desperately wants more. This may never happen. She has accepted the fact, but when people ask when is she going to have more, it hurts very much. She is usually asked this by people who know her and know her situation. I cannot fathom how people she knows (especially her mother-in-law) can ask such questions.

I agree, I believe it is a personal and somewhat rude question to ask.

Also, as previous posters had noted, no one knows your situation – infertility, miscarriage, and esp previous experiences. I know two couples, not one, but two couples who have had their sons born very prematurely at 6 months and weighing at 1 lb. Their sons are now healthy happy boys, but they also have had difficult early months in the hospital for three months and numerous surgeries. Yet, they too get asked “when are you having #2?”

Both sets of parents have told me how difficult it was the first time emotionally and physically that thought of another is really difficult. So my advice is to always be respectful of other people’s decisions and their situations and not to assume.

I’ve had people ask me and then go on to say “You shouldn’t have them too far apart.” As if THAT is their business. I have one child (son) and would love to have another one immediately but we are waiting.

It’s a little annoying at times.

It’s funny that in a world that has become so PC, this question has yet to find it’s way on to the “unacceptable” list.

There can be so many reasons why a couple may not add to their family: secondary infertility, financial, relationship, etc. I think it’s downright rude to ask.

My friend has been struggling with infertility for years (she’s currently expecting her first child via IVF), she’s mentioned how painful it has been to constantly be asked why they had not started a family…

I am a 35 a single/sole parent of a beautiful 3 and a half year old, very happy and very proud! This wasn’t the way i planned it but now i wouldn’t have it any other way but….. I would love another child/children but having another on my own would pose great difficulty financially and emotionally despite having a wonderful family support system. It would be nice to meet the right man this time!!! Now as for the question ‘when are you going to have another’ it actually provides great pain when i get asked this. There are days when i ache for another but being a single parent people expect you to be grateful for what you have which for me means i generally get caught up in a defence mode eg: ‘i really am grateful for having my little man but if and when it happens it will be a blessing’ i also get tired of people asking, even though it is quite innocent, sometimes i just say ‘oh yeah, eventually’ without explaining my situation, it is a painful question, if i ever ask anyone i usually just say ‘would you like to have any more?’ because everyone has a different story.

The way I answer the “when you gonna pop another one out question” totally depends on who is asking. If it’s someone I’m really close I will tell them straight up what the “plan” is, but if some stranger were to ask me I’d probably just answer “I don’t know.” This is EXTREMELY personal and I don’t EVER ask anyone this, just because I have known SO many couples who have had a hard time conceiving and I don’t want to accidently ask someone in this situation. None of my business, period.

I think it’s a bit of a personal question. I would only bring it up, if the person themselves makes a comment about wanting another child or something in reference to that, and it’s usually a close friend or family member. Danielle I agree with your entire post by the way. A few months ago my friend who is 37, had her 3rd child, she already had a 6 yr old girl, a 5yr old boy, and now had another boy in Feb. I heard two people in the hospital while she could barely move from having a c-section, say so is this it or will you be having more kids lol. And she said well this is my 3rd child in 6yrs and I’m 37, I think at one point you have to stop having kids and this is my time lol.

It’s especially awkward as a single parent — and yes, you still get asked! And yes, people even question the logistics. My only hope is humor – but it’s really hard sometimes!

People started asking me as soon as I got married when we were going to have a baby, while I was pregnant, around when Anya was 6 months old, again when she was a year, and continuously since then. It seems to be the consensus among many people who ask us this question that your family is not complete without at least two children, although I don’t get why people would ask someone with 2-3 kids if they’re having more! Seems that 2 is a handful- more power to them- but I would never -expect- someone to plan on having more than that, let alone ask. I’m always surprised when someone with twins has more kids- it just seems like an insane amount of work (my friend has twin toddlers and is constantly frazzled) and we struggle with just one! But again, more power to them.

Then we have our Ciaran who has four!

I have to say, I AM interested whether my friends will have more kids (most of them are on their second) so I guess I understand the interest, but I would never ask outright. I might say “don’t you hate it when people keep asking when you’re having another?” and then we start talking about it.