Amen to everything momsquared has said. Nothing is easy about infertility. Ladies, did any of you perform a semen analysis on your husband before marrying him? What would you do if he was unable to conceive with you? Divorce him? Or turn to medical help? Or if you had a biological reason you could not conceive naturally? Give up, and “just adopt”? Or see if there was a way to try to conceive? Unless you personally have gone through an inexpensive and quick adoption of a healthy, non-drug addicted baby, quit your yapping about how simple it is. Don’t want to hear it. And if you think you understand infertility, follow momsquared’s advice and go to ivfc.com and read some of the most painful and heartbreaking stories out there.

My husband and I plan to start the adoption process next fall (I have a disorder that makes pregnancy risky, which is why we chose adoption). Kate, I wonder where you got the statistic that most birth mothers change their minds? I know it happens of course but never heard that the majority do. Adoption, as many others have stated, is very expensive. I don’t know if we’ll get approved even, given my medical history. However, in speaking with other adoptive moms I have learned there are several ways to adopt, with varying costs and wait times. One of my friends adopted from the county and it was only about $10,000 and the wait time to get a toddler, she was told, was just a few months (much longer for a baby). my husband and i may go this route because for the countries we were thinking of adopting from, the price is about $30,000 and we’d get a toddler anyway. we may also look to adopt a baby with cleft palate or other medical issue. not saying that anyone should go this route just to get a child faster, just that it’s an option i found out about.

no matter how you want to build your family, you should do it that way! if you want clomid, IVF, surrogacy, adoption of a baby, adoption of a teenager, whatever, go for it! the important part is that you are becoming a parent and building a beautiful family, but that should be done in the fashion that will make you most comfortable.

and the fact that you read one book, momsquared, totally makes you an expert. it is MY CHOICE to be against fertility treatments and MY CHOICE alone. i’m not trying to convince you that you’re wrong, don’t try to make me feel bad for believing something different than you. we all have different beliefs and these beliefs should be respected. shame on you for attacking people who’s beliefs are different than yours.

and shame on you others for attacking Fay, when all she did was express HER opinion. she was talking about the pregnancy process, not about having being a mother. Fay, i understand where you are coming from because the whole pregnancy thing scares me and, frankly, is a bit gross from my point of view (although i’m sure i’ll get attacked for saying birthing is scary & gross).

This conversation has become petty, accusatory, and judgmental.

I will end my portion by saying congrats to the Olivers and congrats to all of the contributing CBB parents who have had or are currently having children responsibly.

Steph, Boo is Jamie’s nickname for Jools, I remember watching an interview with him after their second child was born and that’s what he said. It’s a great name.

momsquared – here here!! i agree with you. I think it’s horrible that people say if you can’t have one it’s cause god didn’t want you to” – you summed it up perfectly.. just because our bodies betrayed us doesn’t mean we would not make awesome moms – the fact that we’re willing to do all of those things to get pregnant, to have that child, to love that child – I would love to adopt if biologically it doesn’t work for me – but for me (thus far) my clomid has been covered by insurance and I want to give it a fair try. I think I, along with everyone else who struggles and would make an amazing mommy, deserves the chance. I stand by that.

I never said I was describing every single adoption experience, if someone had fantastic luck with an easy adoption good for them. I think it’s wonderful! But for smug fertiles to throw around, the NAIVE, I just read The Secret, so I know what I’m talking about, “just adopt” or “spend your money on adoption”, or New Orleans is paying people to adopt (as if children are being given away at a food pantry after you filled out a 1 page appllication) is ridiculous.

I don’t question what people do with THEIR money. If they want to spend it on fertility treatments or adoption, or both it is THEIR CHOICE and their hard earned money, valuable time, and emotional wants and needs.

But it sickens me when people speak about adoption with such authority, googled a couple of third-party facts, and then believe it is the JOB of infertile people to ADOPT all the children who need homes. It is smugness and naivety and I stand by it.

That’s why anyone that says, just adopt to my sister-in-law, I jump right in a say, why don’t you…and watch them stammering all over their words.

There is nothing easy about adoption, whether your wait-time was 5 weeks or 5 years, it’s a difficult process and I commend anyone who goes through it. And wait-time is the least of this process.

I happen to have biological children and the fertility of a crack whore and it gets on my nerves the stuff people say to those struggling with infertility. That God’s Plan, b.s. really gets on my nerve. I always respond, so it’s God’s plan that a newborn baby needs to detox from Heroin addiction because his mother wouldn’t stop using. As soon as someone says God’s plan, I shut them down with the quickness.

I think life is unfair. Plain and simple. Some bad people get to have children and abuse them and mess them up, and some good people don’t ever get to have children to shower with love and protection. God ain’t got nothin’ to do with it.

fay, do you realize how insensitive your comment sounded? if you desperately want a child, but have difficulty conceiving, than maybe being a parent is “not for you?” yet you are “not that interested” but go on to tell us you are currently pregnant accidentally. come on.

I think someone asked near the top about the name Boo – It’s Jools mother’s nickname

The three rounds of clomid to conceive my first daughter cost us about $150. Cost of adoption? $20k. Can’t really compare! I would adopt in a heartbeat if the costs were more around $5k.

I’m lucky that my first pregnancy “restarted” my body. I didn’t need any “help” conceiving our second daughter.

I am really happy for them. And I love the girls names. So cute.

CTB mom, I also have a genetic disorder called Turners Syndrome where I don’t have eggs and will also go through fertility treatment.