Comments on: Sound Off! How Can Parents Make Divorce Easier for Their Kids?

By: Holly

Holly — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 15:55:15 +0000

I have to disagree again with the idea of staying together for the children. My husband’s college roomate is staying with his wife “for the children” and also because he would agree with Jenna that there are very few acceptable reasons for divorce. Being miserably unhappy is not good enough in his mind. Actually he has told me that he wouldn’t leave her if she cheated. They have two daughters and I can already see how it effects them. Their 4 year old told me she was sad because Mommy and Daddy were yelling again. If there was ever a poster couple for divorce, these two would be it. They fight all the time. I think I am fairly unbiased and she is terrible to him. They are intimate maybe 3-4 times per year and they have told both daughters that they were “accidents”. It doesn’t benefit the kids to know that mom and dad are unhappy because of them. And in this case, there is no “good reason” for them to split, but it is cleary an awful situation.

By: Annie Harper

Annie Harper — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 23:54:29 +0000

How about not be selfish and actually try a little harder to stay together? You made your bed, how bout sleep in it? As a child of divorced parents I am sickened at how many file for divorce. If you loved each other enough to get married and have kids, then why can’t you go to marriage counseling for more than a second?

By: Harley

Harley — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:07:55 +0000

Jenna, many people forget to nurture their marriages much in the way they nurture their children. Marriage/Living Together is a whole new realm for people and there is a lot to get used to. Some people find they have a tough time parting with their old ways and adjusting to their partner. Add in a child and suddenly the entire dynamic in your lives change and you haven’t had time to truly adjust to the concept of marriage. Obviously there’s a lot more to it but, that’s one of the main reasons I see divorce happen.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 23:19:06 +0000

Jenna Gennaro-
I totally agree! So many people get married way too quickly and it doesn’t work. You should be careful and take your time. And don’t have kids if you are going to get divorced- their lives get ruined! At your wedding, you make vows to stay together and you should! It’s a sin and against the Christian religion to get divorced! I just don’t click with divorce unless there is abuse, addiction, infidelity, lying. Stay together!

By: jaQ

jaQ — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:27:16 +0000

and for the record, there was definitely mental abuse and LOOOOTS of infidelity on his part (about one woman for each month of our four year marriage), pathological lying, multiple stints in prison, the stealing of thousands of dollars from my parents and many other horrific and unforgivable things, that lead to my divorce. i fully intended on being commited for life, and i definitely should NOT have gotten married at 18. we’ve been separated for two years, and i’ve tried very hard to keep him and his family in a position where they’re able to see photos and get updates of the children, but honestly, they don’t seem too interested, sometimes.
when i remarry, i will be more serious than ever with my vows. i would hate to have this happening with my future children.

By: jaQ

jaQ — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:18:38 +0000

boy oh boy, i WISH things could be kept cordial. unfortunately, the husband that i’m separated from is a sociopath & felon, and all the niceness in the world from me, does not get me anything in return.
luckily, he lives out of state, 500 miles away. he still thinks he can control my every move, and most recently, picked a fight over me not giving him the kids’ SS numbers. yeah, why don’t i let him claim them on his taxes, when he has NEVER supported them? so now he’s refusing to send child support, told me while on speakphone, IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS, that he’s going to do everything possible to hurt and harrass me, and has been hanging up on me when i call to let him talk with the children for the past week and a half.
i just wanted to say to anyone who does have the cordial split, that you are very lucky, and i’m glad for all involved, that you all can make it work. it’s ideal and mature. i get along much better with my kids’ half-brother’s mom (his ex), than i do my “husband”.

By: Rosalind Sedacca

Rosalind Sedacca — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:03:14 +0000

Making divorce easier for our kids is simple — though not easy. We just need to put ourselves in our children’s shoes before making any decisions that affect them. If we see the world as they do, we’re not likely to make all the mistakes we keep seeing in celebrity and other divorces.

The key question to ask yourself is: What will my children say to me about how I handled the divorce when they are grown? If we keep that in mind, our children will not be emotionally scarred and can thrive after divorce.

Best regards,
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:02:31 +0000

Marriage and divorce are both tricky situations in which to become involved. My own parents detest each other, and are still married to one another. It made their children unhappy and did not provide us with a proper example of an adult relationship at all. I honestly believe that our lives would have been much more pleasant and stress-free had my parents just divorced a long time ago–things are really that awful between them. I am a newlywed myself, and have always worried whether I would have a horrible marriage like my parents do/did. Luckily my husband and I are very good together and I can already tell that our marriage will be nothing like that of my parents. I think that one of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to live together before you get married!! It is the best way to gauge the strength and comfort level of your relationship. For those who do go through a divorce, I agree with many of the above posts: don’t talk badly about your former spouse in front of your kids, and be as amicable as possible in their presence with your ex. Jenna, I do agree with you that too many people rush into marriage and divorce very quickly–I know many people I graduated high school with who are in that very situation, and we are only 23!!

By: R

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:52:44 +0000

As a product of “staying together for the sake of the children” I have to agree with all those who say it’s unhealthy. (But Jenna- I knew exactly what you were saying too- and agree!) My parents, esp. my mother, say they stayed for us kids when we all knew by jr.high they really stayed because they were emotionally co-dependent on each other and if they split they’d have to face their own demons instead of blaming each other for it. Kind of a heavy burden for a 12 year old.

So instead they’ve had a 35 year marriage, where the kids are more emotionally mature then their parents, had to pick up the pieces around them, sort through their very tangled lies, pick sides (and they changed frequently) and generally, from a very young age be adults.

The difference I see is maturity. People who marry with a mature outlook (this can happen at any age-19 or 45) will be more likely to divorce with a mature, child centric outlook. My parents are FINALLY divorcing and not at all surprisingly, custody is the big issue. But judging their maturity, so will lamps, rugs, dishes, etc. My poor siblings will have no chance at peace even if my parents are finally “making themselves happy”. I only hope and pray the judge will require everyone to attend counseling because, with my parents perspective (“our problems are our own, they don’t affect you kids”) it surely won’t happen!

So if you get divorced- I’d say the best way to make it easier for your kids is be mature. If you aren’t, get there fast because your kids need it at any age.

By: Sharon L

Sharon L — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:13:13 +0000

My parents divorced when I was 10 and never spoke again. I don’t blame my mom for stopping talking to my father, because he was very difficult. When I divorced, I vowed it would be different…and it was, UNTIL my ex met his new wife. She refused to allow him to talk to me, go to the same soccer games I went to, etc. I was floored. I had initiated the divorce and everything was very friendly between my ex and me and our son. My son’s boy scout master didn’t even know we were divorced. It saddens me greatly that things changed. I don’t blame the new wife, I blame my ex for allowing it. But, ultimately, it just saddens me for our son’s sake. I commend parents who think of their children first. Our children are reflections of us, their parents, and when one parent trashes another parent it’s as though they are trashing the child themselves.